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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22980604">In the eye of the shattered</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kihyuncrush/pseuds/Kyungsoobs'>Kyungsoobs (Kihyuncrush)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EXO (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety, Baekhyun is a nice friend, Chanyeol deserves better, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Junmyeon is a dad tbh, Kyungsoo is a great boyfriend, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentioned Kim Minseok | Xiumin, Panic Attacks, Schizophrenia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 05:48:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,499</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22980604</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kihyuncrush/pseuds/Kyungsoobs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>TW//Mental Ilness, Anxiety, Panic attacks</p><p>He could smell gas even before he opened the door.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Park Chanyeol, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Kim Minseok | Xiumin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In the eye of the shattered</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was already <span>dark</span> by the <span>time </span><span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> <span>finally</span> <span>ended</span> his <span>shift</span> at the <span>market</span>.</span>
  <span> If only had known how annoying working <span>there</span> was going to <span>be</span>, <span class="s-ja-t">he</span>’d never have tried to get a job <span>there</span>.</span>
  <span class="">
    
    <span>Still</span>
    <span>, </span>
    <span>money</span>
    <span> was </span>
    <span>needed</span>
    <span>, and </span>
    <span class="s-ja-t">he</span>
    <span> didn’t </span>
    <span>get</span>
    <span> his </span>
    <span>degree</span>
    <span>, so here </span>
    <span class="s-ja-t">he</span>
    <span> was </span>
    <span>now</span>
    <span>.</span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-ja-t">He</span> <span>quickly</span> <span>took</span> his <span>leave</span>.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-ja-t">He</span> <span>opened</span> the <span>car</span>’s <span>door</span>, <span>threw</span> his <span>stuff</span> on the backseat before getting in and <span>started</span> the <span>engine</span>.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<span>As <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> <span>was</span> on his way home, his <span>phone</span> <span>started</span> <span>ringing</span>.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> clicked his <span>tongue</span>, <span>remembering</span> <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> had previously abandoned the <span>object</span> on the backseat.</span>
  <br/>
<span>When <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> <span>arrived</span> before a red light, <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> <span>hurriedly</span> <span>took</span> the <span>phone</span> and <span>checked</span> the missed call.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It <span>was</span> from <span class="s-rg-t">Junmyeon</span>.</span>
  <span> Now that’s peculiar.</span>
  <span> Sure, they both called each other regularly, but it was <span>late</span> and <span class="s-rg-t">Junmyeon</span> was <span>supposed</span> to be busy with whatever <span>job</span> he <span>had</span> to <span>do</span>.</span>
  <span> <span>Working</span> in a <span>company</span> wasn’t helping with the <span>fact</span> that they barely <span>met</span> anymore.</span>
  <br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> <span>shrugged</span> and <span>decided</span> to call back.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-rg-t">Junmyeon</span> <span>immediately</span> answered.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span>Hello</span> <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span>??”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he <span>heard</span> the <span>other man</span> <span>say</span> on the <span>line</span>.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> hummed.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What’s up?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> <span>quickly</span> turned on the phone option in his <span>car</span>, mentally slapping himself for not thinking about that earlier when <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> <span>had</span> to <span>pick up</span>, then accelerated.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<em>
    <span>“<span>I</span> <span>know</span> <span>you</span> <span>just</span> got out of <span>work</span>, so <span>I</span> <span>thought</span> <span>I</span>’d <span>give</span> <span>you</span> a <span>call</span> to <span>let</span> <span>you</span><span>know</span> <span>I</span> <span>bought</span> some bagels for <span>you</span> and <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span>!</span>
    <span> <span>I</span> <span>put</span> them in that box <span>you</span> <span>like</span> to <span>call</span> a "mailbox” in <span>front</span> of your <span>apartment</span>.</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>”</em><span class="s-bl-t"> Junmyeon</span> said excitedly, <span>laughing</span> a <span>bit</span> when he <span>mentioned</span> the mailbox <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> had neatly crafted.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What about your <span>work</span>?</span>
    <span> Why didn’t you <span>give</span> them to <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span>?</span>
    <span> He’s home.</span>
    <span> You could’ve stayed over until I was <span>done</span> with my <span>shift</span>.</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>”</em><span class="s-bl-t"> Kyungsoo</span> <span>simply</span> asked, <span>stopping</span> at yet another red light.</span>
  <br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>The <span>call</span> went silent for a few <span>seconds</span>.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-rg-t">Junmyeon</span> <span>inhaled</span> and <span>waited</span> a <span>bit</span> before finally speaking again.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span>I</span> didn’t have <span>much</span> to <span>do</span>, for once.</span>
    <span> <span>I</span> <span>thought</span> <span>I</span>’d <span>take advantage</span> of <span>time</span> and pass by.</span>
    <span> And <span>is</span> he?</span>
    <span> <span>I</span> <span>ringed</span> and nobody <span>answered</span> so <span>I</span> <span>assumed</span> you were both <span>out</span> for the <span>day</span>."</span>
  </em><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> furrowed his <span>eyebrows</span>.</span>
  <span> What does that <span>mean</span>, nobody <span>answered</span>?</span>
  <span> <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span> was clearly home when <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> had <span>left</span> this <span>morning</span>.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span class="s-rg-t">Junmyeon</span>, <span>you </span><span>know</span> he NEVER goes out.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<em>
    <span>“<span>Let</span>’s move out together.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span> casually said, his chin resting on his <span>hand</span>.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<span><span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> choked on his <span>drink</span>, tried not to <span>make</span> it too obvious, but failed miserably.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span> <span>patted</span> his <span>back</span>, <span>laughing</span>.</span>
  <span></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>
      <span>"</span>
    </span>
    <span><span>Are</span> you for real?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> the younger <span>asked</span>, eyes wide-open.</span>
  <span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>The brown-haired boy <span>shifted</span> in his <span>seat</span>, clearly nervous.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span class="s-rg-t">Listen</span> Soo, <span class="s-rg-t">I-</span>.“</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>The <span>shorter</span> one <span>cut</span> him off by <span>taking</span> both of the <span>boy</span>’s <span>hands</span> in his.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span>.</span>
    <span> I’ve been <span>wanting</span> to move <span>together</span> ever since we <span>started</span> <span>dating</span>.</span>
    <span> <span>You</span> <span>really</span> thought I’d say no?</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>The <span>boy</span> with <span>big</span> ears was a bit flushed at the <span>revelation</span>, but amused.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span>Well</span>, <span>you</span> <span>said</span> <span>you</span> <span>wanted</span> to <span>focus</span> on your <span>studies</span>,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> he pouted, </span>
  <em>
    <span>“and <span>you</span> wouldn’t be <span>able</span> to <span>do</span> that <span>if</span> we…”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>He trailed off.</span><br/>
<span>
    <span></span>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><span>Now</span> the <span>boy</span> <span>looked</span> a bit hesitant.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> <span>looked</span> at him, <span>glaring</span>, but still soft for the <span>giant</span> man.</span>
  <span> How was he supposed to get mad at him?</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“We’ve <span>talked</span> about this before.</span>
    <span> <span>You</span><span>know</span> I’d <span>do</span> everything to <span>take care</span> of <span>you</span>.</span>
    <span> I <span>could</span> still find a job so we <span>can</span> both survive out of that.</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>He <span>raised</span> his <span>hand</span> and gently <span>rubbed</span> his <span>boyfriend</span>’s <span>cheek</span> before speaking <span>again</span>.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span>Hey</span>, <span>things</span> will be <span>okay</span>.</span>
    <span> For the both of us.</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span> beamed at the <span>younger</span> boy, <span>letting</span> a quiet chuckle before nodding slowly as he <span>let</span> his head rest against <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span>’s <span>shoulder</span>.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<em>
    <span>“<span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span>?</span>
    <span> You’re <span>still</span> there?</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<span><span class="s-rg-t">Junmyeon</span>’s <span>voice</span> <span>snapped</span> <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> out of whatever <span>kind</span><span> of</span> <span>trance</span> <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> was currently <span>in</span>.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-ja-t">He</span> hastily pushed the accelerator, not wanting to <span>hold</span> the <span>cars</span> behind back any longer.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-ja-t">He</span> <span>mumbled</span> something before <span>affirming</span> <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> was there.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span>Hey</span>, don’t panic.</span>
    <span> <span>Maybe</span> <span class="s-ja-t">he</span>’s <span>just</span> sleeping.</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>“I’<span>m</span> <span class="s-rg-t">not-</span>“</em> the younger <span>tried</span> but was cut off almost immediately.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh please, <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span>.</span>
    <span> I can practically hear your <span>eyes</span> <span>shifting</span> in <span>distress</span>.</span>
    <span> <span>Are</span> you almost there?</span>
    <span> Do you <span>want</span> me to <span>go</span> check if everything <span>is</span> <span>alright</span>?</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span class="s-rg-t">I-</span> no.</span>
    <span> <span>Listen</span>, I’ll call back in a few if we <span>need</span> anything.</span>
    <span> Can you make <span>sure</span> to <span>watch</span> your <span>phone</span> for the next hour, just in <span>case</span>?</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-bl-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-bl-t">He tightened his grip on the wheel</span>.</span>
  <span> Something was <span>wrong</span>.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span>Of </span><span>course</span>, <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span>.</span>
    <span> Be careful <span>on the </span><span>road</span>.</span>
    <span> I’ll call later.</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>Although the <span>older man</span> was trying not to <span>show</span> it, <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> could hear how tense his <span>voice</span> <span>became</span> during the <span>call</span>.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Later.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> <span class="s-ja-t">He</span> hung up.</span><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-ja-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><span class="s-ja-t">He</span> <span>soon</span> arrived in <span>front</span> of his <span>apartment</span>.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-ja-t">He</span> <span>parked</span> the <span>car</span> in a <span>hurry</span>, not really caring if <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> <span>was</span> at the <span>right</span> place anyway.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-ja-t">He</span> jogged until <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> <span>reached</span> his <span>floor</span>.</span><br/>
<span>As <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> <span>got</span> in the <span>hallway</span>, <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> <span>noticed</span> in the <span>distance</span> the <span>bag </span><span class="s-rg-t">Junmyeon</span> had dropped earlier.</span><br/>
<span><span class="s-ja-t">He</span> <span>made</span> his <span>way</span> to the <span>door</span>, then stopped abruptly.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-ja-t">He</span> <span>took</span> a <span>shaky</span> breath as <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> <span>started</span> <span>rubbing</span> a <span>hand</span> against his <span>forehead</span>.</span><br/>
<span><span class="s-ja-t">He</span> could <span>smell</span> <span>gas</span> even before <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> <span class="">opened the door</span>.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>One…</span>
  <span> Two…</span>
  <span> Three…</span>
  <span> Four…</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He <span>grabbed</span> the doorknob and <span>tried</span> to <span>enter</span> the <span>apartment</span>.</span>
  <span> It was <span>locked</span>.</span>
  <span><span class="s-bl-t"> He</span> frantically knocked on the door.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span class="s-bl-t">Chanyeol…?</span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>He <span>heard</span> <span>stuff</span> getting knocked over, then a loud bang on the <span>door</span>, startling him.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You’re not allowed to come in.</span>
    <span> I’m <span>blowing</span> this building up, myself included.</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> <span>felt</span> a cold shiver <span>going</span><span> through</span> his <span>whole</span> body.</span>
  <em>
    <span> Don’t panic.</span>
  </em><br/>
<span>He <span>had</span> to get inside.</span>
  <span> He <span>had</span> to find a way.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<span>They were <span>finally</span> <span>done</span> with their <span>finals</span>.</span>
  <span> It <span>was</span> the appropriate occasion for <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> and <span class="s-rg-t">Baekhyun</span> to <span>hang out</span> at a nearby café.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-ja-t">He</span> had <span>told</span> his <span>friend</span> <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> was <span>going</span> to <span>drop out</span> soon.</span>
  <span> At first, <span>Baekhyun</span> <span>had </span><span>protested</span> and <span>threatened</span> to <span>drop out</span> as well, but it’s not like <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> had <span>much</span> to <span>do</span> other than <span>study</span>, <span>compared</span> to <span>Kyungsoo</span>.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The younger was sipping on his <span>coffee</span> when <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> <span>noticed</span> the red-haired man in <span>front</span> of him staring intensely.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What?”</span>
  </em>
  <span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>The <span>man</span> gulped.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span>, <span>I</span> don’t <span>want</span> you to get mad at me when <span>I</span> <span>ask</span> <span class="s-rg-t">but-</span>“</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You <span>have</span> <span>questions</span> regarding my <span>relationship</span> with <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span>.</span>
    <span> Go ahead;</span>
    <span> I’<span>m</span> in a <span>good</span> mood.</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>”</em><span class="s-bl-t"> The</span> <span>shorter</span> man replied nonchalantly.</span><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Baekhyun</span> grimaced at the mere mention of a “<span>good</span> mood” his <span>friend</span> was currently in, but <span>quickly</span> opened his <span>mouth</span> again.</span>
  <span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“So!!</span>
    <span> I <span>know</span> you both <span>have</span> some…</span>
    <span> <span>issues</span> with <span>anxiety</span> <span class="s-rg-t">and-</span> Let me <span>finish</span>, Soo.</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>”</em><span class="s-bl-t"> He</span> <span>raised</span> a <span>finger</span> at <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> who was about to intervene.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The <span>black</span> haired man sighed before slowly retreating in his own seat.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m <span>just</span>…</span>
    <span> wondering how <span>you</span> <span>manage</span>.</span>
    <span> <span>You</span> <span>also</span> suffer from those panic attacks and <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span>…</span>
    <span> <span>you</span><span>know</span>, how do <span>you</span>…</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>”</em><span class="s-bl-t"> Baekhyun</span> said softly, trailing off as he was <span>analyzing</span> his <span>friend</span>’s facial expression.</span><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> <span>seemed</span> to <span>think</span> of an <span>answer</span> for a few <span>seconds</span> before <span>placing</span> his <span>cup</span> on the <span>table</span>.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span>First</span><span> of all</span>, I don’t have as many anymore, for some <span>reason</span>.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He <span>ignored</span> his <span>best</span> friend who was clearly about to <span>deny</span> it.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“When <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span>…</span>
    <span> is overwhelmed by <span>stuff</span>, well <span>I</span> <span>used</span> to <span>tell</span> him everything <span>was</span> <span class="s-rg-t">gonna</span> be okay.</span>
    <span> But <span>it</span> <span>only</span> seemed to <span>add</span> even more <span>pressure</span> on his <span>shoulder</span>, <span>it</span> <span>only</span> fueled his <span>panic</span>.</span>
    <span> One <span>day</span>, during one of his “<span>crisis</span>”, <span>I</span> was so <span>tired</span> <span>I</span> <span>kind</span><span> of</span> acted like everything was cool even though <span>he</span> was a bit <span>restless</span>…</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>More like <span>he</span> was about to slice his <span>throat</span> open with a kitchen knife, but <span class="s-rg-t">Baekhyun</span> didn’t need to <span>know</span> <span class="s-bl-t">that.</span></span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“…</span>
    <span><span class="s-bl-t"> I</span> <span>just</span> <span>led</span> <span>him</span> to the living room, <span>telling</span> <span>him</span> we <span>had</span> to <span>watch</span> some show before he <span>does</span> anything <span>stupid</span>.</span>
    <span> <span>Surprisingly</span>, <span>it</span> <span>worked</span>.</span>
    <span> He actually listened and calmed down.</span>
    <span> I didn’t think <span>it</span> would do <span>much</span> at first, but <span>it</span> seems like distracting <span>him</span> to <span>prevent</span> <span>him</span> from <span>doing</span> dangerous stuff works.</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His <span>friend</span> looked up to <span>him</span> with both <span>admiration</span> and <span>sympathy</span> in his <span>eyes</span>.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I <span>wish</span> we knew <span>before</span>.</span>
    <span> <span>Maybe</span> you both could’ve kept on studying then.</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span class="s-ve-t">It’</span><span class="s-ve-t">s</span> in the <span>past</span>.</span>
    <span> <span>Now</span> we <span>know</span>.</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>”</em><span class="s-bl-t"> Kyungsoo</span> <span>took</span> his <span>cup</span> again, <span>blowing</span> on the <span>coffee</span> even though it was obviously colder now.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“My <span>point</span> <span>is</span>, I <span>wish</span> we’d known <span>sooner</span>!</span>
    <span> <span>Things</span> would’ve been so much easier!!</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>”</em><span class="s-bl-t"> Baekhyun</span> <span>said</span>, dramatically <span>throwing</span> his <span>hands</span> in the <span>air</span>, <span>earning</span> a <span>laugh</span> from <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> in the <span>process</span>.</span>
  <br/>
<span></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The red-haired student knew how to <span>make</span> a tense atmosphere lively again.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> was thankful.</span>
  <span> He was <span>glad</span> he <span>had</span> <span class="s-rg-t">Baekhyun</span> by </span>
  <span>his <span>side</span>;</span>
  <span> the <span>boy</span> <span>had</span> this <span>ability</span> to <span>make</span> <span>things</span> <span>look</span> like it’<span>s</span> not a <span>big</span> deal.</span>
  <span> Except for <span>finals</span>, they were both as <span>hopeless</span> on that.</span><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-bl-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span><span class="s-bl-t">“</span><span class="s-bl-t">Yeah</span>, like you’d stay calm and composed to <span>take care</span> of that?</span>
    <span> <span>Allow</span> me to <span>laugh</span>.</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Baekhyun</span> faked a shocked expression, <span>putting</span> his <span>hand</span> on his <span>chest</span>, scandalized by his <span>friend</span>’s <span>comment</span>.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span>Give</span> me more <span>credit</span>!</span>
    <span> <span>I</span> can, in fact stay pretty much calm and have control over the <span>situation</span> when <span>I</span> want to!</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> could <span>only</span> laugh softly at <span class="s-rg-t">Baekhyun</span>’s <span>antics</span>.</span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<em>
    <span>Stay calm.</span>
    <span> Don’t panic.</span>
    <span> <span>Breathe</span>.</span>
  </em><br/>
<span><span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> <span>cleared</span> his <span>throat</span>.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<em>
    <span>“<span>Hey</span> <span>baby</span>…</span>
    <span> You <span>got</span> <span>to </span><span>let</span> me in.</span>
    <span> I <span>have</span> bagels and am <span>tired</span>.</span>
    <span> I’d <span>like</span> <span>to </span><span>rest</span>.</span>
    <span> <span>Open the door</span>?</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<span>No <span>answer</span>.</span>
  <span> He tried <span>again</span>.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span>?</span>
    <span> I terribly want to <span>rant</span> about my <span>day</span> while <span>laying</span> on the <span>couch</span> with you!</span>
    <span> <span>Also</span>, I <span>need</span> <span>to </span><span>prepare</span> <span>dinner</span>.</span>
    <span> Who’s <span>going</span> <span>to do</span> it otherwise?</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> <span>waited</span>.</span>
  <span> He could <span>feel</span> the <span>sweat</span> <span>forming</span> on his <span>forehead</span>.</span>
  <span> A few minutes later, he <span>heard</span> a <span>shuffle</span> behind the <span>door</span> before it got unlocked.</span><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span> fully opened the door, <span>hands</span> covered in <span>bruises</span> and cuts.</span>
  <span> His pants were <span class="s-bl-t">torn</span><span class="s-bl-t"> and</span> his <span>legs</span> were <span>covered</span> with purple spots as well.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>The <span>apartment</span> <span>was</span> an absolute mess.</span>
  <span> The <span>scent</span> of <span>gas</span> was still hitting <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span>’s <span>nose</span>, being almost overwhelming.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-ja-t">He</span> <span>wondered</span> if the <span>people</span> next <span>door</span> had called the police after <span>hearing</span> things break.</span><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-ja-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-ja-t">He</span> took a quick look at his <span>surroundings</span>, <span>trying</span> to stay as composed as possible in his current state.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span> moved aside so that <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> could <span>enter</span> the <span>room</span>.</span><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span>
    
    <span>closed the door</span>
    <span> behind him, </span>
    <span>set</span>
    <span> the </span>
    <span>bag</span>
    <span> of bagels somewhere on the </span>
    <span>floor</span>
    <span> that wasn’t covered in </span>
    <span>clothing</span>
    <span> and other random objects, then turned to his </span>
    <span>boyfriend</span>
    <span>.</span>
  </span>
  <span> He <span>placed</span> both his <span>hands</span> on <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span>’s <span>cheeks</span> and <span>smiled</span> at him.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>What a <span>mess</span>.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-rg-t">A</span> utter, terrifying mess.</span>
  <span> <span>He</span> was so close to break down but <span>he</span> couldn’t.</span>
  <span> Not when <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span> was close to <span>kill</span> everyone living at this <span>floor</span>.</span>
  <br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m home.”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>The brown-haired boy <span>seemed</span> to finally acknowledge <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span>’s <span>presence</span>.</span>
  <span> His face suddenly light up as <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> beamed at him.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-ja-t">He</span> <span>then</span> <span>dropped</span> a lighter <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> was apparently <span>holding</span>, <span>causing</span> it to crash on the floor tiles.</span><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> winced at the <span>noise</span>, but thanked God <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> didn’t start burning stuff with that lighter.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-ja-t">He</span> <span>focused</span> on his <span>boyfriend</span> again.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-ja-t">He</span> <span>placed</span> a <span>small</span> peck on his <span>lips</span> and <span>resumed</span> where <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> had <span>left</span> off the <span>conversation</span>.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“How about you <span class="s-ve-t">get</span> changed and <span class="s-ve-t">help</span> me out with the <span>dishes</span> while I tidy up a <span>bit</span>?</span>
    <span> <span class="s-rg-t">Junmyeon</span> <span class="s-bl-t">called</span><span class="s-bl-t"> and</span> <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> is coming over for <span>dinner</span>.</span>
    <span> “</span>
  </em><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span> <span>let</span> his chin rest on <span>top</span> of <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span>’s <span>head</span>, <span>considering</span> it.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span class="s-bl-t">Okay…</span></span>
    <span> Is <span class="s-rg-t">Minseok</span> coming <span>too</span>?</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Maybe?</span>
    <span> I’ll <span>ask</span> <span class="s-rg-t">Junmyeon</span>.</span>
    <span> <span>Now</span> go, and <span>put</span> some pants on!</span>
  </em>
  <span><em>”</em><span class="s-bl-t"> the</span> shorter <span>tried</span> joking, <span>watching</span> as the taller yelped and <span>went</span> to their <span>bedroom</span>.</span><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-ja-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-ja-t">He</span> <span>waited</span> until <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> could <span>hear</span> the <span>door</span> <span>closing</span> before <span>hurrying</span> to the <span>kitchen</span> and <span>turning</span> the <span>gas</span> off.</span>
  <span> Dear Mother of God.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-ja-t">He</span> was <span>so</span> <span>glad</span> nothing blew up.</span>
  <span>
    
    <span class="s-ja-t">He</span>
    
    <span>took</span>
    <span> his </span>
    <span>phone</span>
    <span> out of his pocked, texted </span>
    <span class="s-rg-t">Junmyeon</span>
    <span> that <em>everything </em></span>
    <em>
      <span>is</span>
      
      <span>alright</span>
      <span> even though the </span>
      <span>apartment</span>
    </em>
    <span><em> could’ve blown up</em> and to <em>come over for </em></span>
    <em>
      <span>dinner</span>
      <span> and </span>
      <span>bring</span>
      
      <span class="s-rg-t">Minseok</span>
    </em>
    <span>.</span>
  </span><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-ja-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-ja-t">He</span> <span>ignored</span> <span class="s-rg-t">Junmyeon</span>’s immediate text back, <span>consisting</span> of a full <span class="s-rg-t">caps</span> <em>“WHAT <span class="s-bl-t">NOW??????????</span></em></span>
  <span><em>”</em><span class="s-bl-t"> and</span> made a mental note that they’d be there at 8:30.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>The black-haired man sighed, then proceeded to clear the way and clean things as much as <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> could.</span>
  <br/>
<br/>
</p><p><br/>
<span>When <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> was finally done cleaning so much <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> couldn’t <span>feel</span> his <span>arms</span>, <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> distinguished the <span>sound</span> of the <span>water</span> running in the <span>kitchen</span>.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span> must’ve <span>started</span> washing the dishes.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-ja-t">He</span> <span>joined</span> him, completely drained of any <span>energy</span> that was <span>left</span> in his <span>body</span> as <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> plopped down on a <span>chair</span>.</span><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-ja-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-ja-t">He</span> <span>noticed</span> the <span>taller man</span> had <span>taken care</span> of a <span>part</span> of <span>dinner AND</span> <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> looked decent.</span>
  <br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> <span>felt</span> the <span>relief</span> instantly washing through his <span>body</span> but <span>felt</span> how <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span> tensed up when <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> <span>saw</span> <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span>.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>His <span>face</span> must’ve <span>betrayed</span> how “composed” he was <span>supposed</span> to <span>be</span>, because soon enough <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span> timidly tugged at his <span>sleeve</span>.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’m <span>sorry.</span>”</span>
  </em>
  <span> <span>he</span> <span>said</span>, looking <span>away</span>.</span><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> <span>knew</span> the <span>boy</span> couldn’t help himself.</span>
  <span> <span>He</span> <span>knew</span> what <span>he</span> had <span>signed</span> for when they <span>got</span> in a <span>relationship</span> and would <span>never</span> <span>have</span> it any other way.</span><br/>
<span><span>He</span> <span>held</span> him close, <span>taking</span> in his <span>scent</span>.</span>
  <span> <span>Maybe</span> they should <span>get</span> another <span>shampoo</span>, that one wasn’t <span>so</span> nice.</span>
  <span> He <span>let</span> his lips rest on his <span>boyfriend</span>’s nape.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span>I</span> <span>swear</span>, <span>I</span>’m <span>going</span> to <span>have a heart</span> attack one of these <span>days</span>.”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span> grimaced, hugging the <span>shorter</span> man and rubbing his <span>back</span> with one <span>hand</span>.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span>I</span>’m <span>sorry</span>.”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span>You</span> don’t have to <span>be</span>.</span>
    <span> <span>I</span> <span>told</span> <span>you</span> <span>I</span> was <span>prepared</span> to <span>take care</span> of it.</span>
    <span> <span>You</span> can’t <span>help</span> it.</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>The <span>lanky</span> boy chuckled softly.</span>
  <em>
    <span> “<span>I</span> <span>wish</span> <span>I</span> could.”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> <span>raised</span> his <span>head</span> and, this <span>time</span>, <span>kissed</span> the brown-haired man’s <span class="s-rg-t">horehead</span>.</span>
  <br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span>I</span> <span>love</span> you <span>so</span>, <span>so</span> much.</span>
    <span> <span>You </span><span>know</span> that, right?</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span> <span>smiled</span>.</span>
  <span> <em>“I <span>know</span>.</em></span>
  <em>
    <span> I <span>love</span> you too, Soo.</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>The <span>shorter</span> man <span>laughed</span> at his <span>boyfriend</span>’s fluffiness.</span><br/>
<span>
    <span></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span>Then</span>, <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span> <span>started</span> speaking once more.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<span>At least</span>, I can <span>promise</span> you won’t have to panic because of me anymore today.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> He declared triumphantly, then rubbed his <span>face</span> in the <span>crook</span> of <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span>’s <span>neck</span>.</span>
  <span></span>
</p><p>
  <span>What a <span>cutie</span>.</span>
  <span> He deserved so much better than living like this.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> wasn’t <span>going </span><span>to</span><span>let</span><span>go</span> of him, no <span>matter</span> <span>how</span> <span>many</span> panic attacks, <span>how</span> <span>many</span> <span>injuries</span>, <span>how</span> <span>many</span> <span class="s-rg-t">breakdown</span> they’d <span>have</span> to <span>go through</span>.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Wow, <span>now</span> I’m <span>relieved</span>!”</span>
  </em>
  <span> the black-haired boy jokingly said, avoiding <span class="s-rg-t">Chanyeol</span>’s <span>fist</span> that was <span>threatening</span> to collide with his <span>shoulder</span>.</span><br/>
<span>
    <span></span>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><span>They</span> <span>stayed</span> in <span>each other</span>’s <span>arm</span> for a <span>while</span>, <span>breathing</span> in <span>each other</span>’s presence just like <span>they</span> had <span>done so</span> many <span>times</span> before.</span><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Okay, we should really go back to cooking before <span class="s-rg-t">Junmyeon</span> and <span class="s-rg-t">Minseok</span> <span>arrive</span>.</span>
    <span> <span>You</span> <span>already</span> <span>did</span> <span>a </span><span>lot</span>, <span>do</span> <span>you</span> <span>want</span> to rest <span>now</span>?</span>
    <span>”</span>
  </em><br/>
<span></span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“No, <span>I</span> <span>think</span> <span>I</span>’d <span>feel</span> <span class="s-rg-t">better helping</span> <span>you</span> with <span>dinner</span>.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> The <span>taller</span> boy <span>said</span>, scrunching his <span>face</span>.</span><br/>
<span>
    <span class="s-rg-t"></span>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><span class="s-rg-t">Kyungsoo</span> <span>laughed</span> at his <span>boyfriend</span>’s cuteness.</span>
  <span> <span class="s-ja-t">He</span> could never stop <span>loving</span> such a <span>cute</span> and compassionate man.</span>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><span class="s-ja-t">He</span> was happy that way.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span><span>Seeing</span> how <span>they</span>’d <span>managed</span> until <span>now</span>, <span class="s-ja-t">he</span> <span>knew</span> <span>they</span> will be <span>okay</span>.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Both of them.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>OKAY, another prompt done!</p><p>This was supposed to be a Kyungsoo-centric fic, but I realized I'd be better to see things from Chanyeol's pov as well??<br/>Schizophrenia is a psychiatric illness that is still complicated to fully understand.<br/>Hopefully I can write another chapter with Chanyeol's experience with Schizophrenia and try to show you guys how it's like. (Disclaimer: I don't have Schizophrenia -at least it hasn't/i haven't went to the hospital and gotten it/ diagnosed so everything I write is based on research! Please tell me if anything I said is wrong, I will gladly take any criticism and learn more about it!)<br/>[I'm extremely sorry about any grammar error as well, as English isn't my first language!]</p><p>This wasn't as heavy as planned, but the next (and probably last) chapter will be heavy on angst, and I'd advice to be careful, especially if you feel easily triggered by mental illness and so on.<br/>Hope you enjoyed this chapter!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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